Masturbation falls into one of two categories, depending on your identification. Entire industries are built around the male sexual desire. Adult entertainment, from strip clubs to phone sex, is all geared around the man and turning them on. I openly benefit from that because of my involvement with sex-work; which brings me to my second point. How females, and those who identify as feminine, are closeted and masturbation is shunned. Why is it okay for a man to jerk off but not a woman? Is it societal, generational, or just my perception?
Brace yourselves; I’m about to drop some knowledge on you. Out of the blue, some days ago, this tweet appeared in my timeline, which led to a short but revealing thread of tweets.
Women are practically force-fed chastity and melancholy. It’s toxic. No more for me.
— QueenSarahSaturday (@QueenSarahSatur) January 12, 2018
That one statement has changed a lot for me, even in just five days. I realized, in that moment (shut up, I can have ah-ha moments at fourty-three) (stop humming Take on Me. That’s not what I meant). I realized how true a statement that is. Women are taught masturbation is wrong, dirty, unladylike. If you partake (and you have the tits to be proud of that), you’re labelled a slut, a whore; somehow you go from being a pillar of purity to a den of debauchery.
By contrast, boys and men are encouraged to masturbate. If you go to an adult bookstore, some of the first items your eyes fall on are geared towards men. From lubes, to sleeves, to clothes for women to wear for their men; all of it is designed very specifically to appeal to men. Even in the section for dildos and toys. they are geared either towards women improving themselves for men or for men themselves. The difference in how a woman is treated when she explores masturbation versus how a man is treated is apparent at every turn. But I don’t begrudge this; please don’t misunderstand me. I love the industry for everything it offers both genders and those outside the traditional gender binaries. I love going to bookstores with men, on the phone in their ear as they visit their favourite gloryhole or hearing about their GRINDR hook-up.
Since the tweet shown above, I’ve made a conscious effort to look at social media and find instances where women are as open about their masturbation and sexuality as men. It’s both empowering and depressing; some truly great sex bloggers out there are changing the stigma of being a sexually aware individual but they are far and few between. The pioneers in the concept have taken on the battle of masturbation, slut shaming, and body positivity.
I struggled to find a place where a woman was open about how she jerks off (or jill-off, if you prefer) when she’s alone or with a lover. There are blogs galore dedicated to sex toy reviews (which I have personally benefited from via the Eroscillator) but very few where a woman talks about her vulva, clitoris, or her self-explorations. I’ve seen so few that I’m inspired to begin writing my own. Perhaps a weekly round up of how often, how, and what got me off (HINT: it’s probably two men together. Which is, I think, another conversation. Women and the appreciation of gay porn. Now, to be fair, there aren’t many blogs out there dedicated to men discussing their jerk-off methods or comparing their masturbation to anothers’, outside of very tongue-in-cheek posts.
This one was easy to find. Just type “sex blogger” in your Google search and you’ll find dozens of woman-owned sex blogs. They cover anything and everything designed to stimulate, simulate, or enhance sex, whether alone or with a partner (or more than one partner). If it slides, slips, buzzes, rumbles, or purrs, chances are high a sex blogger has reviewed it. This is important in the scale of normalisation and acceptance. More and more people get their information from reviews of products and services; to make sex toys as common a topic as searching for a new car. The more people are talking about a subject, the closer it gets to mainstream adoption. You think they are just reviewing toys but they are actually laying the groundwork for a (hopeful) acceptance of a woman’s sexuality, unashamed and unabashedly.
Take a deep breath; this one is going to hurt. Ready? Okay, you asked for it.
Some women like to fuck
I know. It’s a revelation. Take your time, get some juice. Practice your self-care routine. Okay? Ready? Okay, we’re going back in.
Women have the same sex drive and the same urges as a man. Given an equal playing field, I would argue we jerk off as much as our male counterparts. But we’ve been taught it’s unladylike to discuss our sexual conquests in the same way that men do. Even on social media as it exists, you’re hard-pressed to find a frank discussion of women that isn’t sarcastic or staged. And that’s a depressing reality. We’re getting off too!
The tweet above led to a recommendation of porn to watch while getting off. Why is this such a taboo? We like to fuck, we like to watch other people fuck. It’s time to stop letting ourselves be censored by antiquated ideals of what a woman “should be”.
Be in your bunk
However you phrase it, please don’t be ashamed of it.
The Dirty Oracle