Masturbation and the female identified


Masturbation falls into one of two categories, depending on your identification. Entire industries are built around the male sexual desire. Adult entertainment, from strip clubs to phone sex, is all geared around the man and turning them on. I openly benefit from that because of my involvement with sex-work; which brings me to my second point. How females, and those who identify as feminine, are closeted and masturbation is shunned. Why is it okay for a man to jerk off but not a woman? Is it societal, generational, or just my perception?

Female masturbation

Brace yourselves; I’m about to drop some knowledge on you. Out of the blue, some days ago, this tweet appeared in my timeline, which led to a short but revealing thread of tweets.

That one statement has changed a lot for me, even in just five days. I realized, in that moment (shut up, I can have ah-ha moments at fourty-three) (stop humming Take on Me. That’s not what I meant). I realized how true a statement that is. Women are taught masturbation is wrong, dirty, unladylike. If you partake (and you have the tits to be proud of that), you’re labelled a slut, a whore; somehow you go from being a pillar of purity to a den of debauchery.

Male masturbation

By contrast, boys and men are encouraged to masturbate. If you go to an adult bookstore, some of the first items your eyes fall on are geared towards men. From lubes, to sleeves, to clothes for women to wear for their men; all of it is designed very specifically to appeal to men. Even in the section for dildos and toys. they are geared either towards women improving themselves for men or for men themselves. The difference in how a woman is treated when she explores masturbation versus how a man is treated is apparent at every turn. But I don’t begrudge this; please don’t misunderstand me. I love the industry for everything it offers both genders and those outside the traditional gender binaries. I love going to bookstores with men, on the phone in their ear as they visit their favourite gloryhole or hearing about their GRINDR hook-up.

Getting off

Since the tweet shown above, I’ve made a conscious effort to look at social media and find instances where women are as open about their masturbation and sexuality as men. It’s both empowering and depressing; some truly great sex bloggers out there are changing the stigma of being a sexually aware individual but they are far and few between. The pioneers in the concept have taken on the battle of masturbation, slut shaming, and body positivity.

Manual masturbation

I struggled to find a place where a woman was open about how she jerks off (or jill-off, if you prefer) when she’s alone or with a lover. There are blogs galore dedicated to sex toy reviews (which I have personally benefited from via the Eroscillator) but very few where a woman talks about her vulva, clitoris, or her self-explorations. I’ve seen so few that I’m inspired to begin writing my own. Perhaps a weekly round up of how often, how, and what got me off (HINT: it’s probably two men together. Which is, I think, another conversation. Women and the appreciation of gay porn. Now, to be fair, there aren’t many blogs out there dedicated to men discussing their jerk-off methods or comparing their masturbation to anothers’, outside of very tongue-in-cheek posts.

Sex toys

This one was easy to find. Just type “sex blogger” in your Google search and you’ll find dozens of woman-owned sex blogs. They cover anything and everything designed to stimulate, simulate, or enhance sex, whether alone or with a partner (or more than one partner). If it slides, slips, buzzes, rumbles, or purrs, chances are high a sex blogger has reviewed it. This is important in the scale of normalisation and acceptance. More and more people get their information from reviews of products and services; to make sex toys as common a topic as searching for a new car. The more people are talking about a subject, the closer it gets to mainstream adoption. You think they are just reviewing toys but they are actually laying the groundwork for a (hopeful) acceptance of a woman’s sexuality, unashamed and unabashedly.

Blatant sexuality

Take a deep breath; this one is going to hurt. Ready? Okay, you asked for it.

Some women like to fuck

I know. It’s a revelation. Take your time, get some juice. Practice your self-care routine. Okay? Ready? Okay, we’re going back in.

Women have the same sex drive and the same urges as a man. Given an equal playing field, I would argue we jerk off as much as our male counterparts. But we’ve been taught it’s unladylike to discuss our sexual conquests in the same way that men do. Even on social media as it exists, you’re hard-pressed to find a frank discussion of women that isn’t sarcastic or staged. And that’s a depressing reality. We’re getting off too!

The tweet above led to a recommendation of porn to watch while getting off. Why is this such a taboo? We like to fuck, we like to watch other people fuck. It’s time to stop letting ourselves be censored by antiquated ideals of what a woman “should be”.

Jerk off
Jill off
Be in your bunk
Get off

However you phrase it, please don’t be ashamed of it.

The Dirty Oracle

Phone Sex

1 Comment

  1. Psychology wise a women it brought up morals, ideals and the thought that sexuality is usually bestowed upon your life partner. Where ingrained to think masturbate and feel horribly guilty about it. Self pleasure is never the road where taught preservation. Women that are sexually pleasured or dare admit to a roll of self stimulation are considered the wild ones. Men on the other hand have sexual liberation, there expectancy on self love , masterbation or sexual conquests is equated to Alpha, Ego and man stance. Women within society are brought up that you can be beautiful but not sexual. Your experience with sex should always be within the confines of a man , bedroom and missionary. Where taught that without the man where unable to be liberated by the self satisfied or sexually. This madness of Social, society, religion and that 1950’s mentality makes women feel that it’s not right. When we see women naked , being sexy, wildflowers , dressing sexy, dancing erotic and beautiful. There’s society telling you that a fast women leave her alone, a women comfortable with her sexual appetite isn’t a normal . Your dressed sexy it’s for someone, sex or to attract people. Women are taught sexuality and equality in sexual roles is never fiting of a lady. You can never be sexy for your self confidence or pleasure . These are the igateway to hookers , porn careers and being shunned. The truth women should feel safe sexal exploring , content with being sexy beautiful for whatever reason even if it’s for your self . The counterculture taught society gendered , sexal rules where made to become less sanctioned . The only difference in today world you can be sexy but if you erotic your heading for trouble. There’s Grey areas that seem to always point out that women who love sex or live sexal you Free are bad people. When the truth is sexuality and society are always in either bed for morals or mixed thoughts. We play outside the gender roles as feminist. There’s no need to have a man present for sexual pleasure or gratification. Slowly women are saying no more will there be gender or sexuality oppressors . As someone who’s been apart of the sex revolution of strippers and gogo. It’s frustrating that women get titles for being beautiful and comfortable within there skin. Where no longer Adam and Eves applesauce. Women deserve to be as comfortable as men sexually, mentally and obtaining the same gratification as men. Where human and gender should not play into the opportunity for self love. Equality in orgasms for all. When the definition of sexual being no longer comes with stipulations people will be able to not feel or be ashamed.

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