5 slut shaming habits you should stop doing immediately

slut shaming

Slut shaming happens every single day. I’d even wager a bet that you have slut shamed in the past but I’m willing to hope you didn’t do it intentionally. I’ll address intentional slut shaming as well (you might take a moment to check and see if your panties are flame retardant).

What is slut shaming

If you ask ten people, you’re likely to get at least nine different answers. For simplicity’s sake, we’re going to use the following definition, based on the original definition found at dictionary.com

To publicly humiliate or shame a person for engaging in behavior judged to be promiscuous or sexually provocative.

Five slut shaming habits to be aware of

Keep in mind that you may not be doing this intentionally. I’ve become more aware of how I speak to people over the last few years because I realized I was inadvertently shaming people with my actions and my verbiage. And if I can learn to fix how I say things, I’m sure you can as well.

  1. ‘You’re so fuckin gay.’ Slut shaming someone’s sexuality
  2. ‘You aren’t really gay if you’re fucking guys for pay.’ Slut shaming someone’s career choices
  3. ‘You’re a whore!’ (said maliciously) Do i even need to point out what kind of shaming this is
  4. Harassing the fans of a star you don’t watch/Harassing the star themselves
  5. Hello libel, my old friend

Obvious versus invisible shaming (fire retardant required)

Invisible shaming

Most people go through their lives without realizing they are doing something that hurts someone else. This is because most people aren’t really malicious. And if you point out to them they are doing something to hurt another individual, they will typically change their behaviour. Or at least, we’ll put a damn good effort into it. If you recognize any of the phrases from above, or have participated in any behaviours listed above, now you know and you can take steps to avoid it in the future.

Obvious shaming

Oh for you, there’s a special place in my heart. The people who go out of their way to intentionally shame someone; the ones who use it like a weapon on social media. The people who know what they are saying and doing is disrespectful, shameful, and rude but just don’t care. This can be anything from stealing porn to open, malicious attacks against stars.

Recently, I had four people that I consider to be good friends who were attacked by trolls looking to just make them feel bad about themselves. They weren’t contributing to an ongoing conversation, they simply barged into someone else’s thread and insulted, attacked, and belittled these individuals. Why? Because they could. Because social media gives people a voice; one that can be used for good or for harm.

Support Not Shame

Whether you enjoy gay porn, straight porn, no porn, or all the porn. Whether you know a star or just follow them on social media. If you have a friend who insults people and shames them. SAY SOMETHING! Tell the person what they are doing is wrong. You don’t even have to like porn! These shaming techniques can be used against anyone (myself included!) and it’s each of our responsibilities to make sure we don’t tolerate it.





The Oracle discusses discrimination in the adult industry

Fighting against discrimination

Society tells us discrimination is bad. We’re told in every public message that we shouldn’t see colour, we shouldn’t single people out for any reason. Those who discriminate are shunned (or at least they used to be) and people effectively use their money to make a point against them. No, our society isn’t perfect all the time and instances of discrimination still happen (trust me. I’m an openly gay dyke living in rural Florida) but we have to keep moving forward. So I’m forced to ask why GayVN awards thought that 2017 was the year discrimination would be okay.

The nomination discrimination

GayVN Award nominations came out on 22 November 2017 and quite a few people were nominated in a variety of categories, such as Best Daddy, Best All Sex Scene, Best Director … all the standard categories. I had the tab open for the nominations and was glancing at the list while doing ten other things when my eyeballs literally stuttered. There’s no way I see that, right? This is 2017, for fuck’s sake.

Best Ethnic Scene.

No, you didn’t read that wrong. Not Best Scene. Not Best Actor. Best ethnic scene. Because apparently it’s totally fine to make a category specifically designed to marginalize already under-represented group of performers. 

Standing against discrimination

Almost at the same time as my seeing this category, I caught a tweet from a man I admire greatly.

Hugh Hunter declined his nominations (three of them)? But … but he’s white! Certainly this doesn’t affect him so why is he declining his nomination?

The answer?

He’s a decent fucking human being who recognizes how awful discrimination is. And his husband, Dolf (nominated for fan favourite Best Daddy) followed suit and declined his nominations as well. Because again … decent human beings. And that kinda makes them a little bit sexier in my eyes. (okay, so I already have a crush on both of them. So not the point here)

What can you do?

If you are a patron of adult films, in particular gay adult films, pay attention to your award shows.

  • Call out companies that discriminate.
  • Spread the word about why discrimination is so wrong, even in porn. Especially in porn.
  • Use your economic power to send your message; write professional style letters to award show promoters and let them know how wrong it is they do this.
  • Tag them on social media and politely let them know your feelings.

Here’s the thing, okay? In any form, discrimination sucks. I’ve been discriminated against all my life. First it was because of the way I speak (I have a pretty thick Boston accent), then because I hit puberty in third grade, then because I was overweight, I talked funny, I didn’t like the same things others my age liked … Really the list is too long to even tell you everything but suffice to say, being a fat, Irish, Bostonian, woman … discrimination hurts. It sucks and the pain of it lingers with you for years.

No-one deserves that. Especially not performers who are using their skill, body, and desire to entertain you, entice you, and get you off. (wait … I think I just described myself. OMG! I’m a gay man trapped in a woman’s body!)

If you hung with me through this whole post, you deserve a cookie.

If you hung with me through this whole post, and you tweet to @GayVN to protest their discriminatory practice (remember to be polite), tag @TheDirtyOracle and I’ll throw three free minutes of phone sex your way for being awesome.